


Behind the Glass

by TheBravePrincessPure



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, Minor Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Protective Bellamy, Rescue Missions, Season/Series 06 Spoilers, Worried Bellamy, and i'm bad at discriptions, because i'm trash, josephine!clarke - Freeform, speculation fic, underlying Bellarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-03-09 21:21:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18925270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBravePrincessPure/pseuds/TheBravePrincessPure
Summary: Clarke isn't gone. But she's just a face behind the glass.Can her friends figure out what happened to her? Can she even be brought back after becoming a host? Will she ever be the same again? And how will our people make it out of Sanctum without a fight?Post- Season 6 Episode 4 speculation fic with Bellarke because I'm trash.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! I hope you enjoy my emotion-fueled fic about what I think could happen after the latest episode. Leave comments about your own theories or reactions!

Bellamy.

Josephine’s gaze drifted over the room, taking in the bar scene, only one person catching Clarke’s attention. Bellamy looked over, locking eyes with Josephine and giving her a little wave. Clarke noticed her hand come up and start twirling her hair, and while she tried her best, she could not stop her. She didn’t have control anymore. It was almost as if the paralytic was still in effect, but her body was moving without her will. She felt the corners of her mouth pull up in a smirk. 

Oh, he’s nice… she heard Josephine think, and Clarke wanted to scream. 

Josephine sauntered over to Bellamy, gently placing her hand on Bellamy’s arm. “Hey,” she said brightly, still twirling her hair. 

Bellamy’s eyebrows pulled together, and he shifted away from her touch. “Hey Clarke. Haven’t seen you since the party. Where did you go?” 

Josephine raised and lowered her shoulders, a shrug. Clarke could tell the use of her name bothered Josephine, but she wasn’t going to correct him. Not after her father warned her about telling the others about their sick culture. “Dunno. Don’t remember.”

Bellamy snorted. “That much to drink, huh?” 

Josephine let out a forced giggle, dropping her hand from her hair. “Maybe.”

Bellamy shook his head. “Well, Madi was looking for you. Something about training with Gaia?”

Josephine paused a moment, trying to remember who Madi was to Clarke. She eventually settled for rolling her eyes. “I’m sure she’ll figure it out.” 

Clarke wanted so badly to reach out to Bellamy, to tell him what had happened. But the more she struggled to gain control, the more she felt suffocated within her mind prison. She simply watched as Bellamy’s face turned into a scowl. 

“Are you feeling okay?” he asked, clearly concerned. 

Josephine swallowed hard, forcing a smile. “Yeah. Haven’t felt this good in ages.” 

Bellamy nodded, still not completely convinced, but Clarke knew he suspected something. Please, Bellamy! Please, see me, she pleaded, trying once again to reach out to him. All of her focus was on regaining control over her body again, despite knowing that Josephine was in control.

To Clarke’s surprise, her hand shot out and grabbed onto his sleeve, gripping for dear life. Josephine’s eyes widened as she stared at the hand she no longer controlled, Bellamy frozen in her grasp. Clarke felt as if Josephine was raking at her hand, clawing to get it back. After a second, Josephine yanked her hand back and turned, quickly walking away, her control regained. She exited the bar, heading towards the palace.

So you’re still here, huh? Josephine thought, folding her hands together tightly as if it would stop Clarke from regaining control. She was seething with frustration, clearly not expecting to deal with a stubborn host. Most primes were able to wipe the host clean, removing all consciousness before entering. This was clearly not the case. 

Clarke was still reeling, trying to understand what just happened. She had moved her hand, on her own. And she wasn’t quite sure how she had done it. It was clearly her control, based off of Josephine’s reaction. Clarke felt exhausted, as if moving just that little bit had depleted all of her energy. But she knew one thing for certain: she was not going down without a fight. 

-

Bellamy was confused. Clarke had looked… different. Not noticeably, not to anyone else. But he knew her. Clarke never stood with her hip to one side, twirling her hair, giving him that sickeningly sweet smirk. It seemed too… immature for her. It was a gesture he would have expected from Roma back in the early Dropship days when she came to visit him in his tent. Clarke carried herself with more care than that, more structure. She was constantly guarded, in a way she never was before Praimfiya. She gave off more guardedness and less carelessness. But the girl he just saw… that was Clarke. But not his Clarke. 

And the clutch on his sleeve before she left was the most baffling of all. It was a panicked gesture, something she would do to warn him. But there was no danger, not in the Sanctum. Outside of the radiation shield, maybe. Her hand had gripped onto him like she couldn’t bear to let go. But then, as soon as she did, she bolted out the door without another word, no explanation. 

Bellamy swallowed hard and finished his drink, putting it down on the bar before walking out. His eyes scanned the area for Clarke, but she was already gone. His eyes landed on Jordan, sitting alone near the pond. It was odd to see him alone, especially since his days in Sanctum had been filled with spending time with Delilah. Bellamy was happy to give him his freedom, knowing he needed it after spending his whole life on Eligius with no one but his parents. It was well-deserved freedom, and he was happy, so Bellamy let him be.

However, Jordan didn’t look happy sitting by the pond. Bellamy decided to join him, in case he needed someone to talk to. Monty would want him to be there for his son. He had trusted him with the responsibility of taking care of Jordan. It was his last wish, and Bellamy would be damned to break it. 

“Hey Jordan,” Bellamy murmured as he sat next to him.

Jordan’s head whipped up. “Oh hey Bellamy,” he mumbled, looking back out to the water. 

“You okay, kid?” Bellamy asked, concerned. Jordan didn’t sound like his normal chipper self. 

Jordan was quiet for a moment before replying. “Something happened last night, and… I have a really bad feeling about this place.” 

Bellamy furrowed his brow. “What do you mean? What happened?” 

Jordan sighed. “Before Delilah’s naming ceremony, I told her about living on the ship, and seeing all of you in the cryo chambers, not being able to talk to you. I told her that you all were just faces behind the glass. At the ceremony, before she went with the primes… she told me ‘don’t let me be a face behind the glass’.” Jordan looked up at Bellamy, concern clouding his expression. “When she came back, I called to her… but she looked at me like she didn’t even know me. She didn’t even acknowledge me.” 

Bellamy sighed, shaking his head. “Maybe she’s just –“

“Bellamy, something is wrong here,” he said urgently, although keeping his voice low. “The girl who looked at me last night… she wasn’t Delilah.” 

Bellamy swallowed against the lump forming in his throat. Too much of this was sounding like what had just happened with Clarke. He looked up to the palace, light reflecting orange against the vibrant warm colors. “Clarke is different too,” he admitted, keeping his voice to match Jordan’s hushed tone. “She was twirling her hair, and then she grabbed my wrist…” He shook his head. “I don’t know, but something happened last night. And we need to find out what.” 

-

“Dad!” 

Clarke’s voice startled Madi, who was exploring the Sanctum without the overbearing guidance from Gaia. She luckily was able to gain some freedom after training today, and decided to take a stroll around some of the clusters of buildings. She was up on a balcony, above the bakery where the smell of fresh cookies wafted around. She looked down, seeing Clarke heading towards Russell Lightbourne. Something inside of her told her to keep out of sight, so she backed away from the edge and pressed her back against the cool terra cotta of the building. 

“Josephine, what is it?” came Russell’s hushed reply, and Madi’s brow furrowed. That was Clarke, right? She would know her own mother from anywhere. So why was Russell calling her Josephine? A dark feeling settled in the pit of her stomach. She felt as if the commanders were trying to tell her something, but she couldn’t quite hear them. She hadn’t mastered calling upon them yet, much to Gaia’s frustration. Madi’s palms grew sweaty, and she clenched her fists. Something was wrong. 

“I don’t think the host was wiped clean,” Clarke’s voice murmured, and Madi was struggling to control her breathing. She didn’t want to give away her position, especially when everything in her was screaming at her to stay and listen. She felt sick, lightheaded, like she couldn’t focus. This was surely the commanders trying to reach her. 

“What? Of course it was. We haven’t had an issue with wiping a host clean in decades,” Russell replied quickly, keeping his voice low. Whatever they were talking about, it was supposed to stay between them. No one else was in the alley between the bakery and the rest of the buildings as far as Madi could tell. She couldn’t see them anymore, not since she backed away from the edge, but their voices sounded close together, as if they were standing side by side. 

“Yeah, well she’s still here,” Clarke snapped, clearly frustrated, and slightly… scared? “And she was able to push me out for second.” 

“Are you sure?” Russell said, sounding concerned. 

The next words out of Clarke’s mouth sent chills down Madi’s spine. 

“Positive. I can’t hear her, but I’m sure she’s here. You did not get rid of Clarke Griffin.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy, Jordan, and Madi compare notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! After popular demand, here's chapter 2! Enjoy.

_Clarke wasn’t sure where she was. She felt lethargic and confused, like she was struggling to stay conscious. She came to the realization that her body was already moving, and tried to focus on what was happening. Her vision came to focus slowly, Russell’s face coming into view. He was already talking, but Clarke couldn’t make out what he was saying. Everything was taking so much effort._

Is the paralytic still in effect _? She thought, her mind sluggishly following along._

_Suddenly, she heard her own voice, but she hadn’t meant to say anything. She forced herself to focus now, trying desperately to fight against this dull consciousness. She felt her own hand come up and twist a strand of her hair around her finger._

I’m not doing that, am I?

 

_“I’m serious, Josephine. They don’t know anything about us, and we have to keep it that way. If they knew we killed their leader… it could be very bad for everyone,” Russell said firmly._

_“Yes, dad,” Clarke’s voice replied sarcastically, and Clarke snapped into focus._

I didn’t say that.

_All at once, she remembered Russell’s voice telling her of her sacrifice, of the good she was doing for Sanctum. He had said she was giving him his daughter back. She had seen the chip, so similar to the one that had crawled into her skull so that she could access the City of Light, like the one Madi had inside of her now. The chip that carried the consciousness of all of the previous commanders in one._

_And now, one that carried the consciousness of Josephine Lightbourne, was settled at the base of her skull._

_Clarke watched helplessly as Jospehine shifted their gaze to the room around them, taking in all of the skeletons she had seen as Russell carried her in hours before. Clarke felt sick, knowing that she was no longer the one who controlled the body she inhabited. She felt… violated. She couldn’t piece together what had happened after Russell came at her with that large syringe, but something told her she didn’t want to know. All she knew was that she was still alive, against all odds._

 

Once a cockroach, always a cockroach.

 

-

 

“Bellamy!” Madi yelled, and Bellamy’s head lifted, breaking his gaze away from the shifting water of the pond in front of him. Jordan followed suit, standing up to greet Madi as she approached. But Bellamy caught something in her expression, something that worried him. She looked scared, which wasn’t common for her. He stood up as well, reaching out to place a hand on Madi’s arm, stopping her.

 

“Slow down, Madi. What’s up?” he asked, bending slightly to get a better look at her face. Her eyes were wild, flickering from him and Jordan to their surroundings, looking at everyone else as if they were terrifying. He had never seen her like this, so fearful. She looked her age, for once, like she needed guidance.

 

“Not here. Can we go some place alone?” Madi said, keeping her voice low, but never stopping her surveillance of the people around them.

 

Bellamy nodded, tilting his head towards the building where the Lightbournes had given them lodging. He and Echo had a room on the second floor that should be empty. Echo was still withdrawn, even after their conversation yesterday, which confused him. He thought it best to give her space, and she left to talk with Raven not too long ago. It would be the perfect space to be out of the watchful eye of the Sanctum.

 

Once in the room, Jordan sat on the edge of Bellamy and Echo’s bed, looking at Madi, waiting for her explanation. Bellamy stood in front of the door, mostly to listen if anyone came around outside. He crossed his arms and nodded to Madi. “Spill it, Madi. What’s wrong?”

 

Madi looked up at Bellamy with wide, fearful eyes. “I… I’m not really sure,” she admitted, wringing her hands together, her palms still sweaty. Her mind felt like a mess, her thoughts jumbled and all of the commanders bearing their influence on her at once. “I overheard Clarke talking to Russell and… something is really, really wrong.”

 

Jordan’s eyebrows furrowed, and he met Bellamy’s gaze. It was clear they both wondered if this had anything to do with their conversation earlier.

 

Bellamy looked back at Madi. “What did you hear?”

 

Madi ran a hand through her hair. It was a gesture that she must have picked up from Clarke, because they looked so alike when she did it. “Clarke called Russell ‘dad’ and he called her Josephine. And they talked about how they were cleaning out hosts, and that Clarke wasn’t gone and…” Madi stopped her rambling, taking a breath. “I don’t know, none of it made sense. But my gut is telling me something is really wrong here. Clarke wasn’t…”

 

“Herself?” Bellamy provided, his own stomach sinking. It wasn’t just him who had picked up on Clarke’s behavior. Madi felt it too. Now with the conversation that she had overheard, they knew something had happened last night. They just needed to figure out what.

 

“You said Russell called Clarke ‘Josephine’?” Jordan asked, and Bellamy looked over at him. He looked like Monty had when he was thinking: staring at a spot on the ground, his eyes flickering back and forth, his hands poised, hovering in front of him. Madi hummed an affirmation, and Jordan visibly swallowed. “From what Delilah told me, Josephine was Russell’s daughter. She died years ago in some sort of accident.” Jordan looked up at Bellamy. “What have you heard about the naming ceremony?”

 

Bellamy pursed his lips, then shook his head. “Nothing, it’s kept pretty secret around here.”

 

“Exactly,” Jordan sighed, and shook his head. “Before Delilah went into the palace for her ceremony, she told me to not let her be a face behind the glass. When she came out, she was like a whole new person. She took the name of a prime who had passed years ago too.”

 

Bellamy’s brow furrowed. “Where are you going with this, Jordan?”

 

Jordan looked between Madi and Bellamy. “What if… what if she isn’t a new person? What if she’s just an old one?”

 

Bellamy felt like a rock had been dropped into the pit of his stomach. The dread that filled him felt like a weight dragging him down, wanting him to crumble under the pressure. If what Jordan was saying was correct, that meant that the Primes were using other people’s bodies to host their own lineage. Clarke and Delilah had fallen victim to their scheme.

 

Madi, however, was still piecing it together. “What do you mean? You think that Delilah and Clarke are different people? How is that even possible?”

 

Jordan locked eyes with her. “How is it possible that you can communicate with all of the previous commanders?”

 

“The flame,” Bellamy breathed, staring at the back of Madi’s head as she faced Jordan. Right under her hair was a small scar at the base of her skull, which he had put there by giving her the flame. An A.I. chip was fused to her, giving her the capability to access prior commander memories and talk to them. Who was to say that the same type of technology couldn’t override someone’s consciousness to replace it with another?

 

“Do they even have that type of technology?” Madi asked, looking between Jordan and Bellamy frantically.

 

Jordan shrugged and shook his head, looking troubled. “It’s possible. All Eligius ships were really advanced technologically. We have no idea what they were equipped with when they were sent away.”

 

“So, hold on,” Bellamy said, running his hand through his hair, resisting the urge to wrap his fist around his strands. “If this technology can put someone else’s consciousness into a different body, what happens to the original person?”

 

“Well with the flame, it is like all commanders can exist at the same time,” Madi said, looking up at Bellamy. “I’m the primary commander, obviously, but they’re all giving input.”

 

“But you said Russell mentioned wiping the hosts clean,” Jordan retorted, looking up at Madi, his brows furrowed with worry. “Which means, in some way, they are able to reset the mind, completely destroy all consciousness before placing in the Prime.”

 

Bellamy stepped towards Jordan, growing increasingly anxious about what this all meant for Clarke. “But Josephine said Clarke wasn’t gone, right? So they couldn’t get rid of her.” He couldn’t think about losing Clarke, not after everything. Not when he just got her back. He couldn’t even entertain the thought.

 

Jordan sighed, hesitating before speaking up. “Bellamy, we don’t know how much of her is gone and what remains. For all we know, Clarke’s… body’s reaction to you could have been reflex, or muscle memory.”

 

Bellamy felt lightheaded. To think that Clarke’s body had reached out to him from instinct…

 

Madi bit her lip. “So even if we were able to get the A.I. out of her head, we would have no idea how much of Clarke we would get back,” she said quietly, her voice small. Even with wisdom beyond her years, Madi was still a child, and Clarke was her mother. Losing Clarke would be devastating.

 

Jordan nodded solemnly. “There could be very little left. Clarke might not even be able to function… Delilah too,” he mumbled, wringing his hands together, his head hanging down. The hunch in his shoulders looked palpable, like the force of the world was on his back.

 

“Hold on,” Bellamy mumbled, running his hand over his face. “We need to gather everyone up here, come up with a plan. Raven has to have some knowledge about the chips and what they’re capable of. After that, we can figure out how we get them back.” With what Jordan had said, he knew getting Clarke back was a gamble, but he would be damned if he didn’t at least try. He owed her that much.

 

“What are we supposed to do, Bellamy? It’s all of Sanctum against us,” Madi murmured, placing a hand on his wrist.

 

Bellamy looked down at Madi, their eyes locking. Madi looked so small in that moment. Too often he forgot that she was just a child, burdened with too many responsibilities… much like Clarke was when the drop ship landed. Bellamy knelt next to Madi, grabbing her hands and holding them within his.

 

“We’re getting Clarke back. I promise.”

 

-

 

Josephine was looking in the mirror, hands fussing with her hair. She scrunched her nose, flipping her hair over to one side. “Wish the hair was longer… oh well,” she mumbled.

 

Clarke watched silently as Josephine studied her new body. Clarke could see herself clearly, dressed in a thin, black tank top and ripped canvas pants, a choice of Josephine’s. Josephine looked down at the bandaged hand, running the fingers of her other hand over the gauze.

 

“You really fought hard, didn’t you?” Josephine mumbled with a smirk. “You’re a strong fighter. But I’ve got news for you, Clarke.” Josephine looked back up into the mirror, locking eyes with herself. “I’m in charge now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the read! Leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building a plan and rocking the boat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes a little less canon, so if you were hoping for a strictly canon-based fic, this ain't it.

“So you’re saying Clarke isn’t Clarke?” Murphy deadpanned, looking up at Bellamy with a dubious look.

 

All of the earth crew were in Bellamy and Echo’s room, with the exception of Madi and Gaia, discussing the latest developments. Bellamy had Gaia take Madi, much to the commander’s dismay. However, they knew that this could get messy, and if the Primes discovered that Madi had nightblood, she would end up just like Clarke. Bellamy couldn’t let that happen. He had promised Clarke to keep Madi safe, and he had already broken that promise once. He wasn’t going to do it again. Therefore, Gaia and Madi were hiding the best they could until Bellamy sent someone for them.

 

Bellamy nodded. “Delilah too. And presumably, all of the Primes are not in their original bodies. From what we gathered, the Primes have been doing this for over a hundred years if they truly are the same families that founded this planet.”

 

Abby was sitting silently in a corner throughout this meeting, staring a hole through the floor. Bellamy could tell she was having a hard time processing this. From Kane to Clarke, she was losing the people she cared most about. Jackson piped up from next to her. “With the way that A.I. chips attach to the brain, without an access code like the Flame has, it would be impossible to surgically remove it.”

 

“Who says we should remove it?” Raven scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Clarke can’t hurt anyone anymore. Isn’t that a good thing?”

 

Bellamy’s jaw tightened. “If you really think that Clarke would let _you_ walk around being used as a meat suit, then you’ve _really_ lost sight of who Clarke is,” he snapped. He looked around the room, staring down everyone. Most of them kept their heads down, avoiding eye contact. “I know a lot of you are still angry with Clarke, and you have a right to be. But have you forgotten all the times she has _saved_ each and every one of you? If you don’t want to help, that’s fine. But you _all_ have owed her your lives at some point.”

 

It was silent for a moment before Echo piped up. “Do we even have a plan?”

 

Bellamy sighed. “Jordan and I were talking, and there is no way we could take all of Sanctum on our own. They have five times our numbers right now at least. Even if we could convince some of them to rebel, it would risk the true believers finding out about our plans. We can’t take that chance.”

 

Jordan stood up. “We figured if we could get Clarke back, we could all go back to the ship and get out of Sanctum. If we can access the cryo chambers, we can come back with more reinforcements later to save who we can.”

 

“So much for peace,” Murphy mumbled, taking a swing out of the jug he was holding. He still reeked of alcohol, and Emori stood beside him looking worried. He didn’t seem to be healing from the effects of the eclipse.

 

Miller chose to ignore Murphy. “How are we supposed to get Clarke back? You said it yourself: they wiped her head clean. Even if we managed to get her body, and get Josephine out, she wouldn’t make it.”

 

Jordan shrugged, his face somber. “It’s a possibility. We also still don’t know how the primes do it, or if there is a way to reverse it. We would need inside knowledge.”

 

“Oh, I don’t like where this is going…” Murphy grumbled, and Emori smacked his shoulder, glaring at him. He seemed to settle with that.

 

Bellamy swallowed hard, putting his hands on his hips and hanging his head. Murphy was right. This wasn’t the ideal way they wanted to do this, but it was their only choice at this point. _Oxymoron_ , his brain supplied, and he tried to suppress the thought. “We’re going to need one of the Primes to give us their information.”

 

Miller’s jaw locked. “We have to take one of the Primes. One of their leaders. Without being noticed.”

 

Jordan nodded. “Ideally, yes.”

 

Miller snorted. “Yeah, like that is going to happen.”

 

Bellamy looked at Echo, and she met his gaze. It took her a moment, but she eventually caught on. Her face lit with realization. “You want me to do it,” she breathed, her shoulders lowering.

 

He nodded, taking a step towards her. “You’re the only one who has a chance. You have experience with this,” he admitted quietly. He noticed her cross her arms, and he sighed. “Please, Echo.”

 

Echo looked around the room, and then back at Bellamy. Her eyes scanned over his face, and Bellamy wasn’t sure what she was looking for. She seemed to find what she was looking for, because she lowered her head. “Fine.”

 

-

 

Josephine entered her parent’s home, heading towards her father’s office. When she arrived, he was standing at his window, overlooking the fields of the Sanctum. “Daddy?” she called, pausing in the doorway.

 

Clarke hated hearing that word come from her mouth. It felt so wrong. She had lost her father many years ago now, and hadn’t used that word since before he died. Hearing it in her own voice felt like rubbing salt in a wound, especially knowing that, while Josephine and her father got to live infinitely together, Jake would never get that chance. He was gone, permanently. And for all Clarke knew, she would never live again, not without Josephine. Both of their lives were robbed from them.

 

Russell turned, a smile spreading over his face as he took in the sight of his daughter. “Josephine. Come, take a seat. We have much to discuss, you and I.”

 

Josephine sat across the desk from her father, slouching in her chair and beginning to twist a strand of her hair around her finger. Her father shot her a look, and she rolled her eyes and lowered her hand.

 

Russell settled into the seat across from her and sighed. “Your mother and I were talking.” He paused, raising an eyebrow and straightening some papers on his desk before looking back at Josephine. “It is quite possible that some of Clarke Griffin is still left. However, we believe that, given past experiences, she should grow weaker, and eventually completely cease to exist,” he said with a smile, and Clarke felt sick just looking at him.

 

Josephine frowned. “She shouldn’t even be here in the first place. What makes you think that she’ll go away?”

 

Russell hummed, lacing his fingers together and placing his hands on the edge of his desk. “The technology used within the chip has something similar to an anti-virus. It is programmed to protect you and you alone. If it views something else as a threat, like a virus, it will attack it. That includes what remains of Clarke.”

 

Clarke froze. _Is that why I felt so weak after reaching out to Bellamy?_ she wondered. She wasn’t sure how the chip worked, but if that was the case, the more she fought against Josephine, the more of her would fade away. Even so, the chip might find her a threat regardless.

 

_So I don’t even have a chance._

 

Josephine, satisfied with this, smiled at her father and kicked her legs over the arm of the chair, sitting sideways. “Good. I’m just starting to get used to this body, and there is no way in hell I’m giving it up.”

 

-

 

“Bellamy, can I talk to you?”

 

Bellamy turned, facing Echo, the last of the earth crew left in the room. The rest of them had dispersed, trying to appear normal for the rest of the day until their plan could be enacted. Bellamy and Jordan planned on sneaking off in an hour or so to go down to the room they took Delilah. It seemed like a good resource for information, if they could find any.

 

Bellamy nodded, closing the door to their room and sitting down in a wicker chair in the corner. He wondered if this would be about their heart-to-heart talk they had. She’d still been distant after it, and he wondered if something still bothered her. “Yeah, of course. What about?”

 

Echo shifted her weight from foot to foot, an idle movement she probably wasn’t aware of making. “I thought we were moving forward from my past,” she said, her voice sounding a little hollow, devoid of emotion.

 

Bellamy’s brow furrowed. “Of course we are.”

 

Echo scoffed. “Then why would you ask me to do this? To use my abilities that I’m trying to put behind me?”

 

Bellamy sat back in his chair, clenching his jaw. “We don’t have a choice, Echo – “

 

“We do, Bellamy. You just don’t want to look at the options,” Echo snapped back.

 

His brow furrowed. “What the hell are you talking about?”

 

“We wouldn’t be risking any of this if it was anyone else but Clarke,” Echo shot back, and Bellamy noticed her fists clench.

 

“Like hell we wouldn’t,” Bellamy scoffed, shaking his head. “We do what we can to save our people, always.”

 

“Just because we can do it, doesn’t mean we should. We’re putting all of our lives on the line for someone who is probably gone anyways, Bellamy. You’re not using your head!”

 

Bellamy stood up so fast that Echo took a step back. “Even if she is gone, I am not letting some A.I. use her like this! She deserves better than that.”

 

“Not at the expense of our living, breathing friends! Not at the risk to me or my life,” Echo stepped forward again, toe to toe with Bellamy. She looked up at his with defiance and strength. She hadn’t looked like this much of an Azgeda warrior in years. “Or do you not value me the way you value her?”

 

That was a challenge, Bellamy was sure of it. Echo knew how to get to him, knew the most tender spots to hit in an argument. And, deep down, he knew this was a point of tension that Echo had hidden behind the scenes for years. She knew how much he cared for Clarke. She watched as he mourned on the ring, struggling through being a leader without his partner by his side. In some ways, he knew Echo felt that she had to measure up to Clarke in their relationship, to become his new partner, to fill Clarke’s shoes. Now that Clarke was back, that she was alive, it changed everything. He had once promised her that when they landed on the ground, things wouldn’t change.

 

_But they did._

 

Bellamy swallowed hard. “You know that isn’t a fair question.” He knew it was a cop out response, but he couldn’t truthfully answer without there being backlash.

 

Echo rolled her eyes. “You and I both know that she’s important to you, more than you will ever admit.” She paused, looking off to the side. “And you and I both know that I will never measure up to her.”

 

Bellamy deflated a little, the tension in his shoulders releasing. “Echo…”

 

Echo clenched her jaw once before looking back up at Bellamy. “You’ve been good to me, Bellamy. I don’t regret us for one second. But being your second choice isn’t healthy for either of us. You and I both deserve to be happy, and right now, that is not practical within our relationship.”

 

Bellamy didn’t answer. He couldn’t. He knew she was right. He cared about her, so much, but he wasn’t making her happy and she deserved more than that. He simply nodded, bringing his hand up to cup her neck. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

 

He heard Echo sigh. “I want to give you one last thing.” She pulled back, looking up at him. “I care about you, Bellamy. I know you believe with your whole heart that we can save Clarke.” She took a deep breath. “So I will do my part. I’ll do my best to help get her back. For you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little update for this story: I'm looking at a total of 7-8 chapters depending on how the 7th chapter goes. So this story isn't even quite half way completed. Stay tuned for more updates!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A noble sacrifice.

Bellamy sat at the bar, using one hand to nurse a drink, his eyes scanning the room. He kept his other hand in his pocket, his fingers running over the sides of the dart. Jackson had managed to ask some questions about the paralytic in the medical ward, slipping two darts away when the doctor on call wasn’t looking, as well as a vial of the antidote for the paralytic. One dart was given to Echo to use on Russell, the other given to Bellamy to use on Josephine. He was hoping Josephine would come to the bar to socialize again like she did yesterday. If anything, he could go looking for her, but he knew the patio on the back side of the bar was left empty frequently, and it would be a good place to get her alone. He didn’t want to have to scramble to find a place to get her alone once he found her.

 

Sure enough, just before dinnertime, he spotted her. Short, blond hair bouncing through the crowd at the tables. She smiled at a few of them, her fingers gliding over the shoulders of a few different men. Bellamy’s jaw clenched. Looking at her, it was clear she wasn’t Clarke. The mannerisms were too different. She was too bold, too trusting. Clarke had been too guarded to be so open now, even with the promise of a safe pace to live.

 

Josephine spotted him as she made her way to the bar, stopping in her tracks. He could see that she was trying to determine if it was safe to talk to him again. He waved at her, and it seemed to be enough to convince her to come say hi. She came and sat on the stool next to him, waving over the bartender and ordering a drink before turning to him. “Hey Bellamy.”

 

Bellamy forced a smile. “Hey princess,” he said smoothly, lifting his glass in greeting. “Haven’t seen you around much. What have you been up to?”

 

Josephine pursed her lips at the mention of Clarke’s nickname. He wondered how much she knew about Clarke, if she had access to her memories at all. Was there anything left of Clarke in her head? “Nothing really. Just enjoying exploring Sanctum. It’s so different, you know?” she replied, taking a sip of the drink the bartender placed in front of her.

 

Bellamy chuckled and nodded. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? Especially after Praimfiya.” He looked over at her, carefully checking for a reaction.

 

Josephine looked away, staring at the countertop. “Yeah,” she simply replied, and took another sip.

 

Bellamy cleared his throat, glancing around at the other patrons. No one was paying them much mind. “Actually, the patio out back has a really beautiful view. Want to go check it out?” he said, nodding his head toward the back.

 

Josephine looked at him, her expression skeptical. He chuckled and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Come on, I promise. You’re gonna love it, Clarke.”

 

Josephine sighed and rolled her eyes, picking up her drink and downing the rest. He held out his hand for her, and she stared at it for a second before taking it. Bellamy’s heart was beating heavily as he led her down the side hallway of the bar towards the back. If he messed this up and got caught, there would be hell to pay. It would most certainly mean being kicked out of Sanctum, if not killed on the spot.

 

When they reached the back patio, Bellamy scanned the area for anyone around. He could hear people in the building next to them through the open window. Not ideal. But as long as he could keep this quiet, it shouldn’t be a problem. He gestured to the double sunset over the trees. “See? Didn’t I tell you? Stunning view.”

 

Josephine hummed, looking at the view before looking up at him with a brow raised. “It’s nice.”

 

Bellamy scoffed, leaning back against the fence that lined the patio. “What do you mean, nice? We never got anything like this on Earth and you know it.” His chest constricted as he forced himself to play along like he knew nothing. He had to continue talking to her like she was Clarke. Like it was the two of them, having a normal conversation.

 

Josephine chuckled and bumped her shoulder against his. “Can we not talk about Earth anymore? That’s our past,” she murmured, and Bellamy could tell she was struggling to keep up the charade. If she did know anything, it was bits and pieces of what Clarke knew. Or maybe thinking about Clarke’s past made her uncomfortable. He knew Clarke herself struggled with the memories of the things she had done, so of course Josephine would struggle too.

 

Bellamy hummed in acceptance, turning to face Josephine more directly. He slid his hands into the pockets of his jacket and tilted his head down, staring at his feet. He had to get her closer to him, like she was yesterday. He hoped being vulnerable would force her to show more closeness. “I know what it feels like to want to put the past behind you. This new planet feels like a fresh start… especially now that Echo and I aren’t together anymore.”

 

Josephine raised an eyebrow, turning to face him. “Oh yeah? What happened?” she asked, curiosity getting the best of her. It was a start.

 

Bellamy shrugged. “It just wasn’t working anymore. We have different priorities right now,” he mumbled. “And, she was kind of jealous, honestly.”

 

Josephine chuckled, putting a hand on her hip, the other coming up to twirl her hair. “Jealous? Of what?”

 

Bellamy swallowed heavily. He really had to play his card right. If he didn’t this whole thing could blow. He knew what he was doing was extremely manipulative, but it was the only way he could think of making this work. And he would do anything to get Clarke back. “Of… our relationship, actually. She knows that you and I… we’re partners. We work so well together, you know? And I guess that bothered her.”

 

Josephine’s eyes widened, and a smile crept up on her face. “We do work well together, don’t we?” she said coolly, raising her hand to place on his bicep and taking a step closer.

 

_Got her_.

 

Bellamy shrugged, leaning into her touch, inching closer. His stomach felt sick doing this, but he pushed through. “Yeah, we do,” he hummed back, the hand in his pocket gripping the paralytic dart tightly. “And… I’m so sorry, Clarke.”

 

Josephine’s face twisted in confusion for a second before she registered the dart sinking into her side. She opened her mouth to say something, or scream, but the paralytic acted too fast. Her knees buckled.

 

Bellamy caught her as she started to fall, bracing her body against his. He pulled the dart out and slipped it into his pocket again, sending a mental thank-you to Jackson for his help. He held onto Clarke’s body, lifting her into his arms. “I’m so sorry Clarke… but I’m not letting you be a face behind the glass. Not anymore.”

 

-

 

Bellamy sat by Clarke’s body, leaning back in the chair by the hospital bed they had placed her on. They were in the weird underground bunker that he and Jordan had found the day before. Surrounded by skeletons, it was an unsettling room to be in, but this was where they found a lot of technology that could help them. It seemed to be the place that the chips were inserted in the first place. Jordan had said Delilah had been down there for about an hour before she came back out a different person. Bellamy idly wondered how long Clarke had been down here, how long she was afraid for before being taken over. He didn’t even know how any of it had happened.

 

At the party, after he and Echo had their argument, when he looked back to the floor to find Clarke, she was gone, along with the doctor she had been dancing with. He remembered feeling uneasy, but it wasn’t fair for him to police where Clarke went, or with whom. So he had let it go.

 

Now he wished he hadn’t.

 

He glanced over to see Clarke’s blue eyes focused on him, and his fists clenched involuntarily. He knew it wasn’t Clarke looking at him. It was Josephine. Her gaze was too cold for it to be Clarke, and Clarke wasn’t the one in charge at the moment. It was so hard to see her like this. It was bad enough that she was paralyzed, but knowing that Josephine was still conscious when Clarke couldn’t be? It made his blood boil.

 

He looked away, over to Abby. She was looking over some of the medical equipment with Jackson, talking quietly with him. He could hear Jordan pacing by the doorway, as he had been for the past few minutes. They were all just waiting for Echo and Miller to get back with Russell. They had purposefully let Emori and Murphy stay out of this, mainly because Murphy was drunk and wouldn’t be of much help anyways. But besides that, it could look really suspicious if their entire group were to disappear all at once. Raven was a different story. She had been avoiding the rest of them since the plans were made. She had reluctantly agreed to be there for technology help, but it was clear she didn’t want to be there. Therefore, she was in a separate room alone, setting up for where they would hold Russell. Holding both Primes in the same room seemed like a bad idea.

 

Suddenly the door creaked open, and in came Echo and Miller, both supporting Russell’s limp body between them. They quickly shuffle him to the adjacent room, and Bellamy stands to follow. He looks down at Clarke for a moment, his chest constricting. They were going to get her back, whatever it took.

 

-

 

Fifteen minutes later, Russell was tied to a chair, wrists and ankles shackled. Jackson, Echo, Raven, Miller, Jordan, and Bellamy stood in front of him. Abby had chosen to stay with Clarke’s body, watching over her. Bellamy gave Jackson a nod, and the doctor uncapped the antidote syringe, plunging it into the Prime’s arm. He was no use to them if he couldn’t talk.

 

Slowly, Russell regained control of his body, fingers twitching first, followed by lifting his head. He looked up at Bellamy, his eyes narrowing. “What the hell am I doing here?” he grumbled, the lingering paralytic slurring his speech.

 

Bellamy folded his arms. “You’re here to tell us how to get that chip out of Clarke’s head,” he replied coldly. His whole body was tense. If Russell didn’t give up the information, what was their next plan? There wasn’t a way out of this now that they were in it. Either this worked, or they were in deep shit.

 

Russell’s face fell into a scowl. “My, aren’t you all clever. What makes you think that you can?”

 

Raven stepped forward. “The chip gets passed person to person. There has to be a way to remove it. A passcode, or procedure, or something.”

 

Russell raised an eyebrow at her. “Raven, right? The genius. My nephew has been talking about you,” he murmured, giving her a smirk.

 

Raven narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, I’m pretty damn smart, and I think you are too. So either you tell us, or I remove the chip by hand, no doubt damaging the components. It’s up to you.”

 

Russell huffed. “And leave a shell of a body? Clarke Griffin is gone, don’t you know that?”

 

Jordan piped up. “What do you mean, gone? How did you remove her?”

 

Russell hummed, tilting his head. He was weighing how much to tell them. He seemed satisfied that whatever he was to tell them was not a very big risk. “The same way we do with all of our hosts. It involves targeted electroconvulsive shock therapy, like what was done in mental hospitals back in the 20th century. Not a very good medical treatment, but it is very effective in scrambling the brain.”

 

Bellamy’s heart dropped. He had heard of the barbaric procedures in some books he had read, but never thought he would ever face such a thing in real life. From what he had read, it left some people like vegetables, unable to process thought or function. Even the smaller cases resulted in memory loss. If Clarke had been conscious during the procedure, it would have been incredibly painful, one of the worst forms of torture. Similar to the shock collars used by Eligius, except that each shock messes with the brain more and more.

 

Raven stepped towards Russell, bending down to his level. There was a deadly look in her eyes. Raven had nothing left to lose at this point, not really. “I don’t give a shit if she’s gone or not, I really don’t. But I’ll be damned to let you use someone else’s body for your own sick immortality dream.”

 

Russell’s brow furrowed as he held her gaze. “Our people _deserve_ this right. We built a planet out of _nothing_. The only thing your people do is _kill_ and _burn_ and _destroy_ ,” he growled, his wrists straining against the ropes that bound him. “Clarke most of all. Your people call her a commander of death. At least this way, her body is used for good. She made a noble sacrifice.”

 

“You sick son of a bitch!” Bellamy yelled, lunging at Russell, ready to rip him to shreds. All he wanted to do was wring his neck. How dare he even imply that Clarke had any choice in this? That the sacrifice of her life was a good thing? Suddenly, Bellamy felt himself being yanked back. Jordan had grabbed his arm, and Miller wrapped his arms around his torso, straining against Bellamy’s pull. Bellamy struggled against them regardless. “She didn’t make the sacrifice, you did! You killed her so you could have your daughter back! It wasn’t noble, it was selfish!”

 

Russell’s gaze shifted to Bellamy as his friends held him back. There was a brief look of guilt that crossed his face, but he quickly masked it. It did nothing to calm Bellamy, and Echo stepped in front of him, blocking his view of Russell.

 

“You’re going to go out to the other room and calm down,” she said firmly, placing both hands on his chest. The look in her eyes was calm, but there was something lurking just below the surface. Bellamy’s jaw tightened. “I’m going to take care of this, alright? I told you that I would do my part.”

 

“He’s not going to give up anything,” Bellamy breathed, relaxing enough for Miller and Jordan to let him go, although they lingered close.

 

Echo shook her head. “No, he just needs a little… persuasion. Let me handle it.”

 

It was then that Bellamy understood what she was going to do. She was going to torture Russell for the information they needed. It was smart. Bellamy was too close, too heated to be trusted. He would kill Russell before any information was spilled, and their plans would be void. Besides, Echo always kept her cool in situations like these. She was calm, calculated. Exactly what they needed.

 

Bellamy nodded. “I trust you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Josephine is gone, what is left?

Bellamy found himself pacing after an hour of waiting for Echo to come out with more information. The skeletons around him felt like they were closing in, mocking him. He had tried sitting by Clarke’s body, but he couldn’t while knowing that Josephine was still conscious within her. He needed a solution, now more than ever.

 

He couldn’t help but think about what Russell had told them, about the electro shock therapy. How much pain Clarke must have been in, how scared she must have been. She was alone, paralyzed, tortured, while the rest of them had enjoyed a party. He felt sick knowing he hadn’t tried to look for her when she disappeared from the party. He had no idea where she had gone, how soon after they had replaced her with Josephine. Even if they were to get her back, would she remember what had happened? The torture?

 

 _We’ll cross that bridge when we get there_ , Bellamy thought, defeated for now.

 

He had just finished another lap around the room when Echo and Jackson emerged from the side room. She was wiping her hands with a towel, black blood splattered on her arms and staining the fabric. Bellamy wondered briefly what she had done to Russell, but there were more pressing issues. He pushed the thought aside.

 

Echo met his gaze, and her face fell. Bellamy could feel his chest getting tighter; he knew that look. It wasn’t good. She met with the rest of the group in the middle of the room, Bellamy standing closest to her. “He told Jackson how to take out the chip,” she said, tossing the towel to the metal table next to the hospital bed. “But with the damage done to Clarke’s brain, there is nothing we can do to restore her. It’s possible there is some of her remaining, but we don’t know what until we remove Josephine.”

 

Jordan stuffed his hands into his pockets, seemingly to avoid fidgeting. “Well she at least has a chance, right?”

 

Jackson sighed heavily, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “According to Russell, her brain has enough activity to keep basic function, like breathing. But without Clarke’s consciousness returning, she would deteriorate. She wouldn’t be able to eat or drink, and her organs would begin to shut down. If that is the case… the most humane thing to do would be to assist her body to shut down completely.”

 

Bellamy felt his heart stop. So even if Clarke wasn’t gone yet, they would have to kill her anyway? It felt like a blow to the stomach, knocking all of the wind out of him. He didn’t want to watch Clarke’s body deteriorate, watch her become emaciated. The idea of watching Clarke waste away made his stomach churn. But watching Jackson kill her, even humanely, felt so wrong; one of her own people being her downfall, after fighting for them all this time.

 

He could only imagine sitting by her side, holding her hand as Jackson injected her with something that would make her sleep… permanently. He would hold her to his chest and watch her chest shutter with her last breath, until she stilled. It would be so much more real than before, when he shut the latch of the shuttle. This time, he would watch her die.

 

He couldn’t be without her again. Once was hard enough. He wouldn’t make it through it again.

 

Abby piped up, drawing Bellamy away from his thoughts. “How long can we give her to wake up?” Her voice sounded hollow. It was the same way she talked about Marcus, as if she was separating herself from her feelings and focusing solely on the work. It was weird seeing Abby this way, like a shell of the person she used to be.

 

Echo shook her head. “The longer we’re in here, the more suspicious the rest of Sanctum will be, especially without Russell. We can spare maybe 12 hours, tops. Then we need to get the hell out of Sanctum.”

 

“Twleve hours? That’s not enough,” Jordan said, his expression dropping. “Can’t we give her more time?”

 

Miller shook his head. “Carrying an unconscious Clarke through Sanctum to the ship isn’t an option, kid. We would have to leave her body behind anyways, and they would probably put another Prime in her head before we could come back to get her.”

 

Bellamy could feel his heart breaking, a coldness spreading through his chest. His hands felt icy and clammy, and somehow slightly numb. Any hope he was feeling was being overshadowed by reality. If Clarke didn’t wake up in twelve hours… she would have to be killed.

 

-

 

Bellamy watched from afar as Jackson carefully removed the chip from Clarke’s head, lifting it up with a pair of forceps and examining it. Josephine was finally gone from Clarke’s body, and yet Bellamy felt little relief. He kept his arms crossed as Jackson placed the chip down on a metal tray, and then began to stitch Clarke’s incision up.

 

Clarke was free now. But somehow, that was scarier.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Abby staring at the chip with an expression he couldn’t read. It seemed calm, but there was something lurking beneath the surface. With a slightly trembling hand, Abby picked up the chip, turning it over in her palm. She turned on her heel quickly, stalking over to the side room where Russell was still being held.

 

Bellamy stumbled after her, catching up just as she reached right in front of Russell. Bellamy’s gaze shifted to their hostage. He looked awful. One eye was swollen shut and bruised. Some of his fingers were bent at odd angles, clearly broken, and there were shallow cuts down his arms and around his neck and collar. There was a wound on his thigh that looked deep, but Bellamy couldn’t really tell with all of the black staining on Russell’s pants. Echo had clearly done a number on him. Raven and Echo showed up next to Bellamy, watching Abby as he was, hesitant to intervene.

 

He watched as Abby held up the chip in front of Russell. The man stared at it, confused, then looked at Abby for clarification. He didn’t know what she was trying to tell him, and truthfully, neither did Bellamy. Abby was a wild card now, numb from the pain that she has had to endure. With a dead tone that sent chills down Bellamy’s spine, Abby whispered, “You took my daughter away from me. Now I’m taking yours.” The doctor placed the chip on the floor and dug the heel of her boot into it, crunching it into pieces. Russell let out a horrified gasp, and then broke down into sobs, staring down at the shards of technology that once housed his daughter’s consciousness.

Bellamy didn’t feel sorry for him. He couldn’t. The Primes thought they should be immortal, putting their lives above their own people. Bellamy simply turned away, leaving Echo and Raven to get Abby away from Russell, and walked back to where Jackson was cleaning up. He stood next to the doctor, staring down at Clarke’s eerily still body.

 

“How did it go?” Bellamy asked softly, resisting the urge to sweep a piece of Clarke’s hair away from her face. Her eyes were closed now. She looked peaceful.

 

Jackson sighed heavily and shrugged. “Everything came out clean, so there weren’t any complications. I also just gave her the antidote for the paralytic, so if she were to wake up, she would be able to move her body.”

 

Bellamy nodded, reaching for a stool and sitting down by the edge of the bed. “Anything else we can do?” he asked, looking up to Jackson, hoping for an answer, but not expecting a good one.

 

Jackson looked over at Bellamy, his eyes searching his face for a second before carefully replying. “There are studies that people with brain damage are more likely to recover if someone talks to them. So… keep her company, talk to her, tell her stories. I’ll be back to check on her vitals soon.”

 

Bellamy swallowed against the lump in his throat and nodded, wheeling his stool closer to the edge of Clarke’s bed. He finally reached over and brushed her hair away from her face, tucking it gently behind her ear. He wasn’t sure what to say, but he figured anything was better than nothing at this point.

 

“Hey Princess. I don’t… I don’t know if you’re here, or if you can hear me… but Josephine is gone now. You can come back now,” he murmured, his hand finding hers and lacing their fingers together. “I’m so sorry you had to go through this, but you can’t… you can’t leave us, Clarke. We just got you back.”

 

His throat constricted, filled with emotions he was trying to suppress. He had so many things that he wanted to say, but didn’t know how. Everything felt like it was too late to say, that he should have told her when she could actually respond. Now, it was like he was talking to no one. It was like the Ark all over again, filled with so many regrets. He should have told her.

 

 _You would have thought I would have learned the first time_.

 

-

 

Empty.

 

Clarke felt… empty.

 

She wasn’t sure where she was, or what had happened. Everything seemed in order just moments ago, and now… she lost it all. Like the one thing holding her together had let her go. She was in a free-fall, watching blurred memories pass her by. None of it made sense, and a feeling of panic swept over her. She was so disoriented, and she wasn’t sure how to fix it. She was scared.

 

Then, from somewhere in the void of her mind, came a voice.

 

“Hey Princess.”

 

And her mind came to a jarring stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this isn't following canon at all anymore, and I could never live up to the FANTASTIC writers of this season, but I still hope you like it enough to keep reading! There's going to be AT LEAST 2 more chapters of this fic.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey readers! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up! It is longer than the rest of them, and I had a busy week. Not to mention, there is some heavy stuff in this chapter, so be prepared!

_Hey Princess_.

 

She knew that voice. In a sea of confusion and terror, she found the one thing to hold onto, the one thing that made this experience a little less scary. Her mind was spinning, trying to place where she knew the voice. Bits of broken memories flashed through.

 

Thin mist spreading through the lush trees. She felt irritated. “Brave Princess-”

 

Another. A crowd chanting, surrounding her. She was terrified. “This is on you princess!” the voice shouted at her.

 

Another. Light was coming in beams, down from the treetops above. She grabbed onto his shoulder. He was taller than her. Dark, curly hair. “Hey Princess. You taking a walk in the woods?”

 

Another. Her voice, this time, but she was looking at him… Deep brown eyes, freckles splattered on his cheeks, strong jaw… “I need you…” The memory flickered. “You want forgiveness? Fine, I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, okay?”

 

There was a gap, darkness. She lost track of those memories, laying just outside her reach. She pushed forward.

 

Another. A curtain swept to the side, heavy footfall. His tall silhouette looming over her. Her voice. “Bellamy, stay back.” His worried reply. “Did he do something to you?”

 

_Bellamy. His name is Bellamy._

 

A flash, like her brain had short circuited, sent Clarke reeling, her eyes squeezing shut. Suddenly the roar of battle interrupted her. Her eyes flew open, taking in the scene in front of her. Bellamy was being beaten by another man, his gun dropping out of his hands as the man’s fist connected with Bellamy’s face. A voice from beside her made her head turn, and her stomach flipped when she saw who it was.

 

Finn stood up, reaching for another man’s gun. “Give me that!” He suddenly rushed forward to defend Bellamy, shooting the attacker. He ran over to help Bellamy.

 

Clarke lurched forward. “Finn, no!” Her voice cracked as she screamed for him. _They aren’t going to make it_ , she thought.

 

Abruptly, she was standing, her hand on a lever. It was like her mind had shifted focus, narrowing to just her and the Dropship lever. Her head was screaming at her to not pull it. Bellamy and Finn were still out there, along with well over a hundred grounders. By pulling the lever, she would kill them all. A mass murder.

 

_But I would save my people_.

 

A voice, a new one, came from inside her head… a voice of a friend. Raven.

 

_“Clarke Griffin and her impossible choices.”_

 

Clarke’s hand tightened around the handle of the lever, tears welling up in her eyes. She lifted her hand, pulling the lever up. The door behind her began to shut.

 

“I’m _sorry_!” she screamed hoarsely, tears spilling down her cheeks as she squeezed her eyes shut. Her hand still gripped the lever tightly.

 

_“You’re forgiven,” Bellamy’s voice responded_.

 

-

 

Bellamy leaned over the bed, one hand gripping Clarke’s, the other stroking her hair. He was still sitting in the chair beside the bed. He hadn’t moved from that spot. On Clarke’s other side was Abby, who was taking Clarke’s vitals. Bellamy glanced up at Abby’s face, taking in her grimace. It had been two hours since they had taken the chip out of Clarke’s head, and there had been no change. Jackson had reassured him that it could take a while, but there was hesitancy in his tone. Now, looking at Abby, Bellamy could tell she was trying to contain her disappointment.

 

“No change?” he asked, his voice quiet.

 

Abby shook her head. “Nothing. Pulse is a little higher, but nothing notable.”

 

Bellamy nodded and tried to take a deep breath. He felt crushed, his chest constricted. He was trying so hard to stay levelheaded, but his heart was screaming at him. Clarke had told him to use his head, but she didn’t understand. He couldn’t use his head when it came to her. She meant too much to him.

 

A thought occurred to him, and he looked up at Abby. “If she doesn’t wake up… who is giving her the injection?” They had discussed that a lethal dose of the paralytic would be the most humane way to kill Clarke, if the time came. But they had not discussed if Abby would be the one to do it, or Jackson.

 

Abby looked at him blankly for a moment before shaking her head. “I… I can’t. Jackson will. I just… I wouldn’t be able to do it.”

 

Bellamy nodded once more, his hand tightening around Clarke’s. He barely noticed as Abby backed away, and he thought he heard her whispering to Jackson, but he wasn’t sure. It was uncomfortably quiet in the bunker; some low voices here and there, but nothing more.

 

He let out a sigh. “Come on, Clarke. I know you’re in there,” he murmured, his thumb stroking over her knuckles. “You can’t leave us… you can’t leave _me_ …”

 

Bellamy dragged in a shuttered breath. “I would do anything, _anything_ , to get you back. I can’t do this without you, not again. You’re too important to me, and I… I just got you back.” He could feel his eyes burning with unshed tears, and he tried to blink them away. His eyes focused on her face, taking in her features. He longed to see the worry lines between her brows, or the sarcastic smirk she gave him when he was being an idiot. “Living without you was hell, Clarke. Absolute hell. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone.”

 

Raven’s voice chimed in. “Neither would I.”

 

-

 

_“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”_

 

Clarke had just finished saying goodbye to Finn, sobbing an apology into his shoulder as she plunged the dagger into his side. She had tried to tell herself he wasn’t the Finn she knew. This Finn was a mass murderer, killing an entire grounder village without a second thought.

 

But he was the Finn she knew. He was the one who cared fiercely about his people, and about being a diplomat. He was the one who urged her to stay peaceful with the grounders, to find a way to settle everything without war. They were both teenagers, children who had made mistakes and paid greatly for them. Neither one of them had known their lives would be this way, or how to handle it. And he wasn’t the only mass murderer. She was one too. And if she was sentencing him to death, she knew it was fair that she deserved the same.

 

Clarke opened her eyes, her cheeks still wet. Instantly, she found herself staring at a screen, watching the people of Mount Weather, dining in peace, while her people were being harvested for their bone marrow. There was a Mount Weather soldier just on the other side of the door, placing explosives to blow the door down and kill them. She felt something in her hand; it wasn’t the knife she had killed Finn with. It was another lever, this one on a table. Her eyes flickered between the screens, showing her people and the people of Mount Weather.

 

She knew her choice. Save her people, or allow Mount Weather to torture and kill them all. Her eyes focused on Raven and her mother, strapped to cold metal tables, screaming as the doctors drilled into their legs. Her friends, chained to the walls, waiting their turn to be harvested and discarded. Then her eyes shifted to where Octavia and Maya were being held down by Mount Weather soldiers. All of her people, the people she worked so hard to protect.

 

For the first time, she noticed Bellamy standing beside her; not a disembodied voice this time, but his full body. He was real in this, whatever it was. It felt like hell, reliving all of her worst decisions, having to kill all of these people over and over again. His eyes were also glued to the screen, focused on the image of his sister. “My sister, my responsibility,” he breathed.

 

Clarke’s chest ached. Her heart was already so heavy with the people she killed, she wasn’t sure she could handle any more. Hundreds of lives were gone because of her and her choices. She wanted to scream, to give up, to do anything but make this impossible decision. But one more look at the screens, at all of the people she would lose… she had to do it.

 

“I have to save them,” she choked out, her chest tightening once more as the weight of her decision settled in.

 

Suddenly, the weight stopped as she felt Bellamy’s hand join hers on the lever. She locked eyes with him, hers brimming with tears. “Together,” he reassured her.

 

As their hands pulled the lever, the heaviness of her heart grew, and she shut her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, shedding more tears for the lives she had taken.

 

But worse, was when she found herself walking away from the gate of Camp Jaha, Bellamy behind her. Her heart was nothing but stone, knowing she had hurt the person she cared about the most. “I’m sorry, Bellamy,” she murmured, resisting the urge to run right back into his arms.

 

Then, his voice, once again. “ _You’re forgiven. Just please, come back.”_

 

-

 

Bellamy looked up at Raven, who was standing at the end of Clarke’s bed with her arms folded against her chest. She raised an eyebrow at him. He must have given her a look, but he wasn’t conscious of it. “I’m just saying, Bellamy. I know how you feel.”

 

He scoffed. “Just a few hours ago you were telling Russell how you didn’t care if she survived.”

 

Raven shrugged, plopping down on a stool nearby and wheeling closer to him. “I still haven’t forgiven her, Bellamy. I can’t, not this time, not now. But losing her… you’d be crushed all over again. And while I don’t care about Clarke right now, I care about you.”

 

Bellamy stayed silent for a moment. “I don’t think I can do it again, Raven. I can’t lose her again.”

 

Raven nodded. “I know. And I get it. I lost Finn, and Wick, and now Shaw… it doesn’t get any easier, no matter how many times you go through it. You get used to the pain, though.”

 

“I’m sorry, Raven. I know how much Shaw meant to you,” he murmured. It was the first time he had spoke with her one-on-one about losing Shaw. Part of him felt guilty for it, but part of him wondered if she would have even listened to him just a few days ago.

 

She sighed. “He did mean a lot to me. We had that connection… like what you and Clarke have. Partners, whether platonically or not. Knowing we could count on the other person, no matter what.” She paused, looking down at Clarke, her expression shifting into a grimace, but it didn’t seem malicious. More… meditative? Focused? “I guess the difference is that we didn’t have much time together. And you and Clarke have been through so much shit, hurt each other, hurt others, and you always forgive each other. I may not understand that part. But I do understand needing _your person._ ”

 

Bellamy pursed his lips, absorbing Raven’s words. Raven was one of those people who saw right through him, knew things he wouldn’t even admit to himself. Sometimes he thought she saw through him more than Clarke did, but he wondered if he was an open book to her too. Clarke might know him, but Raven was the first to call him on his bullshit. Her brutal honesty was both a gift and a curse. He eventually nodded, looking over at her. “Thanks, Raven.”

 

Raven nodded in return. “Anytime, Blake.”

 

-

 

Clarke’s hands were trembling, her left hand gripping the pen tightly. She stared down at the names in front of her, the thoughts in her head screaming at her. Her eyes flickered up to the window, watching all of her people working hard for the oncoming apocalypse. With each name she wrote, she was sentencing more and more people to death.

 

_We don’t decide who lives or dies. Not down here_.

 

She had told that to Bellamy once, when they were young and stupid and still had no idea what the hell they were doing. There were so many delinquents looking to them for direction. They thought that they had a chance to change, to become everything the Ark was not. She and Bellamy had taken charge.

 

Now she couldn’t step down even if she tried. The weight of the world, or at least her people, was on her shoulders. The future of humanity was down to a piece of paper and a pen. One hundred people, the way they had started here. Only one hundred of their people would make it, and she was the one who had to decide who.

 

Her eyes drifted back down to the list. She was close to the end. Without her really thinking about it, her quivering hand wrote down another name.

 

_“Who are you? When did you become this person?”_

 

Monty’s voice rang in her ears, and she closed her eyes. _I’m sorry_ , she thought, tempted to say it out loud but her voice was raw from saying it over and over again.

 

 

She wasn’t sure how long this would last, whatever hell this was. Reliving her sins, screaming apologies until her throat ached. She felt like she had been trapped here for years. She had tried changing her decisions a few times, like with Finn, or even staying in Polis with Lexa to create more distance between her and her people, but it was no use. Whatever this was, she was just a passenger, along for the ride. She got to redo her mistakes. The only thing that changed was that none of it stopped until she apologized. Sometimes the voices would come through, disembodied but loud inside her head, like Monty’s. Words meant to torture her, mock her, remind her of what she sacrificed, and the monster she had become. Often the voices were what got her to crack, to scream apologies until her voice gave out. Then she moved onto the next sin.

 

_Is this what hell is? Just continual repentance?_

 

She got to the last two slots. She wrote down Bellamy’s name, although she felt guilty for it. Yes, Bellamy was a fantastic leader, and people followed him. But she knew that by putting his name on that list, he would survive, and that was more than enough motivation for her. He was a good man, someone she cared deeply about. She knew everyone else would be okay if he was with them. He would make sure of it. He deserved to live.

 

_I don’t deserve it._

 

She knew what happened next; Bellamy would put her name on the list for her, taking the last spot. She tried to move her hand, to write Monty’s name on the list, or someone else’s, quickly before Bellamy got up. But her hand refused to move. She stared at that last spot, her eyes strained from all of the crying she had done.

 

Slowly, her hand began to move. Her brow furrowed. This isn’t what happened. This was different. The pen touched the page, and she watched in anxious anticipation. Soon, the slot was filled:

 

Wanheda.

 

Her tears didn’t even smudge the ink.

 

-

 

Bellamy glanced at his watch and quickly squeezed his eyes shut. They had just over an hour before they had to leave. The suns would come up soon, and the rest of Sanctum would be looking for their leader, who was still tied up in the side room.

 

Bellamy rubbed a hand into his eye and sighed heavily. It had been a long night, spending the majority of it by Clarke’s side. Some of the others had taken a nap, but Bellamy hadn’t let himself rest. He had spent most of the night just talking to Clarke. Some of it was about stupid things, like stories she had missed from their six years on the ark. Some of it was telling her about his favorite books, mainly Greek mythology, although some Shakespeare had made it in too. And the rest was just begging her to come back.

 

Bellamy jumped as the bunker door opened, immediately reaching down for the knife at his hip. However, when he looked to the top of the stairs, it was Murphy, sauntering down the stairs. Bellamy let out a loud sigh and leaned forward to rest his elbows against the bed.

 

Murphy surveyed the situation, his eyes finally landing on Clarke. “I see I didn’t miss anything,” he mumbled.

 

Raven scoffed and walked towards him. “I thought you were supposed to stay up there, keep them from suspecting anything.”

 

Murphy rolled his eyes. “Trust me, the place is dead. Everyone is still sleeping.”

 

Raven put her hands on her hips. “And what have you been doing? Drowning your sorrows at the bar?”

 

Murphy narrowed his eyes at her, his mouth dropping into a scowl. “I’m perfectly sober, thank you very much. Didn’t exactly feel like being drunk when we gotta bounce out of here.”

 

“Got everything packed?” Raven asked, raising a brow.

 

“Emori has it all together. We just have to pick it up on our way out.”

 

Raven sighed. “Good. We should be leaving here in just over an hour. I figured out a way to shut down the radiation shield from the computers down here, so I’ll just deactivate them right before we go.”

 

Bellamy listened, but his mind wasn’t focused on what they were saying. He didn’t even want to think about leaving, not yet. He wasn’t ready to give up. The longer he waited, the more he wanted to stay with Clarke, whether she woke up or not.

 

_I’m not leaving her again._

 

Bellamy continued to talk softly to Clarke, occasionally stroking her hair and fiddling with their joined hands. He wasn’t sure how long he had talked, but he must have lost track of time, because Jackson sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Bellamy looked up at him, his eyes searching the doctor’s face, then widening. “No, not yet,” he whispered.

 

Jackson shook his head. “Bellamy, we can’t wait much longer. It’s time to say goodbye.”

 

Bellamy felt tears welling up, but he didn’t move to wipe them away. He felt them roll down his cheeks. “Please, Jackson, just give her more time. She’s there, she has to be.”

 

Jackson sighed, his shoulders slouching. He didn’t want to do this, but he knew this was their only choice. For Clarke. “Five minutes, Bellamy. That’s it.” With that, he turned and walked away.

 

Bellamy closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his head against Clarke’s. “Clarke, please,” he whispered, his breath blowing against her hair. “I know you’re in there. There’s no way you’d give up without a fight. You’re so stubborn. My brave, _stubbor_ n princess.”

 

He sucked in a breath, swallowing against his tightening throat. “You can’t leave us, Clarke. Madi needs her mom. She already lost her biological parents. I can’t… I can’t tell her that you’re _gone_ ,” he murmured, his voice breaking on the last word. “You can’t leave _me_. Not again. I just got you back, and I… I _need_ you.” He paused, squeezing her hand.

 

“More than you could ever know. More than I ever told you. But I’m telling you now. I need you, Clarke Griffin. You’re my partner, my person. I already lost you once, and it nearly killed me. I can’t… I _won’t_ go through that again. I know you’re in there. You have to be. All I need you to do is come back to me.”

 

-

 

Clarke was backed into a corner, her shoulders aching from pressing against the walls. She was hyperventilating, her whole body shaking, her knees barely keeping from collapse. Her people, her friends, were surrounding her, getting ever so closer: Raven, Murphy, Echo, Emori, Shaw, Abby. Their mouths spewed abuse, yelling at her, echoing in her ears.

 

“You’re not _God_!”

 

“You were ready to let us _die_!”

 

“You let us be _tortured_!”

 

“How _selfish_ can you be?”

 

“You don’t care about us! You only care about what is best for _you_!”

 

“You _deserve_ this! You deserve to die!”

 

“You can’t _decide_ who lives or dies!”

 

“All you do is hurt people!”

 

“Look what you have become!”

 

This wasn’t real. This had never happened before. All this time she thought this hell was just about reliving her mistakes, trapped in a messed up time loop. Now she knew this was all just torture. Torture she had inflicted upon herself with the mistakes she had made. She deserved all of this.

 

Still, she closed her eyes and covered her ears. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I never meant to hurt any of you!” she screamed. Their words cut through her, despite trying to block them out. “I know I’m a monster! I know all of my mistakes! Just please, _please_ , leave me alone!”

 

“You will _never_ change!”

 

“Your apologies mean _nothing_!”

 

“How many times will you fuck up and say _you’re sorry_?”

 

Clarke let out a sob, allowing her legs to give out. She slid to the floor, knees up to her chest, her hands over her ears. “Please, I’m sorry. I don’t want to be here. Please let me go!” she begged, her voice breaking.

 

_You can’t leave us, Clarke_.

 

Clarke’s eyes squeezed shut, as tight as can be. Now Bellamy was here? He had always forgiven her, always made her feel wanted and cared for. Now he was joining the others in their mental mockery, sliding under her skin and picking her apart.

 

_You can’t leave me._

 

Clarke froze. His voice wasn’t like the rest. The rest were full of venom, spitting insults at her. His voice… it was soft, broken.

 

_I need you, Clarke Griffin._

 

She felt someone’s hands cover hers on the sides of her head, and she opened her eyes. Bellamy was in front of her, his hands moving hers down and holding them. He gave her a sad smile, like he knew how much she was hurting. How much she had gone through in this hell.

 

“If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. You’re forgiven,” he murmured, looking right into her eyes.

 

_All I need you to do is come back to me._

 

-

 

Clarke bolted upright and let out a piercing scream that reverberated off of the walls of the bunker. Bellamy jumped back in shock, his eyes widening.

 

Clarke Griffin was alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the read! The next chapter will probably be the last, although I do plan on making it a long one as well. So keep tuning in!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed!


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